Once...

There was a time when everything was just less complicated.

My youth allowed me to truly say what was on my mind and not worry about the consequences. I ran away from that, quicker than the "Flash." Always so concerned on how or what someone would think about me if I just didn't hold back.

I am tired of playing that game. Saying what I mean or think does have to be done unthoughtfully. I am just at the time in my life where I am going to feel great with just being me. The raw me. No more worries. People will take me and leave me for who I are. Time to find more people with a similar mindset. 

I am going to try to be more accepting of other for who they really am, while also doing it for myself.

~Riding the waves

The Lost River

As I was on a mission to find the "Lost River," I realized that I was really on a mission to find some peace.

I decided, with my surgery coming up, that I would take a day to explore. I did not realize I would find some peace while search for this "Lost River." As I drove farther and farther away from the "city," I could feel my should relax, a smile grow on my face, and breathing became much easier. I wanted to visually explore everything inch of land. I drove down and backed down "roads" trying to find this damn river. Definitely time for a truck.

I finally see water that actually looks there could be a waterfall or at lets a baby one. The water was this clear, turquoise and the rocks were cover in sulfur making the orange. Hop out of the car, still in flip flops, and race over to the river. It's beautiful and protected by sticker bushes... Whomp whomp, I was so excited I didn't notice until it was stuck to my face. 

Take a few pictures and get hiking boots on. Walk farther down the river and find the top of a large waterfall. Immediately find my way down to see it. Not noticing the trail, I decided to take a longer, more falling down approach. Finally get to the bottom. It's amazing! I decide to go in for a closer look. A much closer look...

 A•Mazing! The roar of the water, the cool spray in the air, and the shake from all of the power. I always feel most connected when I am with water and earth. I often close my eyes and envision the first time I stood bare foot in the river. 

The smoothness of the rocks under my feet. How cold the river is at first, almost takes away my breath. The way the water rushes through my legs and toes. All of that energy around me. True power.

I found the "Lost River" and I found some peace. Being able to be with the rush of the water helped calm my mind. All of the answers where in there... There was just too much static. I would like to thank water for always being there for me. It has always had my back and helped me. It is a vital part of my life.

As I've rambled on long enough for now, my solo mission cleared the static. And remember... IT'S ALL ABOUT THE JOURNEY!

Messy Hotness or Just a Hot Mess...

That is definitely the question.

Breaking down walls can get messy. One day I am feeling proud to start the process of overcoming some "thing" and then BOOM the next day I've lost my sea legs. Up is right, left is down, and looking in the mirror and sort of feeling like a stranger.

I know my solid core is still there. Well, because after I do something unlike myself, I am able to address whatever it was. Sometimes just to myself. Other times the action has affected someone else.

It is human nature to be emotional. It's how our species has survived so long. I am allowing myself to follow my heart and allow my emotions to exist. Bottling them up, for me, only creates more neurotic behavior. Declaration to myself to be with my feelings and express them.

Can't hurt, right...?

A New Wave

Oh... hi... I feel a little awkward because it's been a while. I've decided that I want to try to make writing and photographing a larger part of my life.  Not really sure how I am going to do about this. I think just by writing and posting pictures. 

The past few years have been more or less complicated. As I am reflecting, I am opening doors that have been shut for a very long time. I am learning a lot about how I tick. One thing I do know, no matter what... Every time I get bulldozed down, I manage to stand right back up. It's coming from me, the inside. Not influenced by anyone else.

A very amazing man said to me one time, "Every day you wake, is a good day!" And how he could be more right. Be thankful toward/for yourself. At least I know in trying...