The question was asked of me... "With all that you've been through, how do you stay so positive?"
A big deep breath. I had to ask myself that question. It is not always so easy to follow my heart. With life coming at me from all directions and trying to see things clear, I have found myself not always trusting my heart and being true to myself.
6.20.2014
5.08.2014
Headed down another unknown path... and I found strength
"Everyday that you wake up, is a good day"... Or so, I quote this from an email recently received.
I wake each day with the entire world in front of me. There is nothing there that can hold me back but myself. If I fear the unknown path in front of me... I will never know what the light that will shine down upon me.
Strength from vulnerability
Recently, I was asked how it was possible to be strong through something/ many things that were challenging in my life. My answer was... I don't know.
I have had a few days to reflect on this question. My answer would now be... My strength comes from believing in myself and allowing myself to be vulnerable. I know that I am making decisions and efforts to better myself as an individual. Each new day and new adventure teaches me something not only about myself, but allows me to be compassionate to others around me. Learning compassion for all, including myself, has been a huge factor in my strength.
Everyone has moments of weakness. I know, I do. But, this does not make me weak. It is okay because I am a human. Humans are not meant to be this interpretable force as we all try to be (I try not to speak for others). We (humans) have emotions and feelings and observations. We (humans) should not shut ourselves off from feeling however we feel. I have been, in the past, a victim of my own lack of love and compassion for myself. I had feared being vulnerable. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Those moments where you beat yourself up or bad mouth yourself, in a way you would NEVER talk to a friend. Or being afraid to say or doing something because of the fear of what others would think.
Learning to feel the feeling. Learning to tell myself it is okay to feel this way. Learning to take a huge breath and release all of the negativity... Has been my source of strength. This does not mean that I do not allow myself to feel these feelings. What is does mean, is that I embrace the feeling. I hang out with the feeling. However, I only give the feeling very little of my time. Enough time to acknowledge it, feel it, and let it go.
I wake each day not knowing what the day will bring me. I am not afraid. I am excited to see what each day has in store for me. I want to share my energy with others around me. I want to hold someone's hand that is feeling weak and pass along my strength. I want to make others not afraid.
I will leave you with this... Wake each day as it is fresh and bright. Forget about the worries from yesterday because they will only hold you back. Smile. Be thankful. You have the power to create the world you want to live in. YOU... yes you, hold it within yourself to make everyday a vacation. Stop being afraid of the unknown path ahead of you. The fear will only hold you back.
~ It's all about the journey!
I wake each day with the entire world in front of me. There is nothing there that can hold me back but myself. If I fear the unknown path in front of me... I will never know what the light that will shine down upon me.
Strength from vulnerability
Recently, I was asked how it was possible to be strong through something/ many things that were challenging in my life. My answer was... I don't know.
I have had a few days to reflect on this question. My answer would now be... My strength comes from believing in myself and allowing myself to be vulnerable. I know that I am making decisions and efforts to better myself as an individual. Each new day and new adventure teaches me something not only about myself, but allows me to be compassionate to others around me. Learning compassion for all, including myself, has been a huge factor in my strength.
Everyone has moments of weakness. I know, I do. But, this does not make me weak. It is okay because I am a human. Humans are not meant to be this interpretable force as we all try to be (I try not to speak for others). We (humans) have emotions and feelings and observations. We (humans) should not shut ourselves off from feeling however we feel. I have been, in the past, a victim of my own lack of love and compassion for myself. I had feared being vulnerable. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Those moments where you beat yourself up or bad mouth yourself, in a way you would NEVER talk to a friend. Or being afraid to say or doing something because of the fear of what others would think.
Learning to feel the feeling. Learning to tell myself it is okay to feel this way. Learning to take a huge breath and release all of the negativity... Has been my source of strength. This does not mean that I do not allow myself to feel these feelings. What is does mean, is that I embrace the feeling. I hang out with the feeling. However, I only give the feeling very little of my time. Enough time to acknowledge it, feel it, and let it go.
I wake each day not knowing what the day will bring me. I am not afraid. I am excited to see what each day has in store for me. I want to share my energy with others around me. I want to hold someone's hand that is feeling weak and pass along my strength. I want to make others not afraid.
I will leave you with this... Wake each day as it is fresh and bright. Forget about the worries from yesterday because they will only hold you back. Smile. Be thankful. You have the power to create the world you want to live in. YOU... yes you, hold it within yourself to make everyday a vacation. Stop being afraid of the unknown path ahead of you. The fear will only hold you back.
~ It's all about the journey!
4.28.2014
Another bend in the road...
It has been a while
since I found the courage to post. I have focused a lot of my attention on
myself... What makes me solid, what makes me smile, and who I am really want to
be... This journey has definitely had its ups and downs. Life has a funny way of
throwing you a knuckle ball, just when you need an eye opener.
It has been a month
since my accident. I have been home for two weeks. I have yet to cook. When I
see fire on the TV, I start crying. When I see someone burned, I start to
shake. When I see a woman in shorts, I get jealous. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut, I am
smiling when I wake up every morning and when I go to bed.
When I have these
feelings, I feel them. They are real. It is okay. It is part of the process of
healing. Accept myself and allow for the hurting or feeling frightened or
nervous… BUT I feel them, accept them, hang out with that feeling for a
minute... I think about how much energy do I want to give to the negative nat
flying around in my head.
My body is not
working the way I am use to. I walk funny or have funky posture. The skin on my
leg is tight. I cannot walk for long period of time. I got frustrated when the
yoga dvd my friend sent me was too hard. I couldn’t believe it! When I lived in
Baltimore, I use to do yoga three times a week. Ahhhh…
Out of sheer
frustration, I had to come up with some sort of workout. I have made for myself
a gradual yoga process out of flash cards. I started with just 10 or so seated
poses. Just doing these ten poses holding them for 10 seconds was a challenge.
A challenge that pushed me… A few days of those and I added and additional 10
seated poses. Few more days… standing poses added in.
Today, I added the
back poses and final relaxation. I did these 30 poses and held each pose and
each side for 4 breaths in and out. Took a break. Had tea. Drank water. I set a
goal for myself to do this series of poses and hold each pose and each side for
10 breaths in and out. I showed up at the plate today and ended up practicing
for an hour and a half.
I love the way as I
breathe in through my nose the air is cool. As I exhale, the warms in my mouth
and rushes out of my nose. I can feel the layers in my body opening up and
releasing. Feeling for the balance front to back and left to right. How my hips
are pointed. The way my belly expanse as I breathe in. Exhaling… trying to push
my bellybutton all the way to my spine. As my I breathe in and out, I am
releasing my muscles, my tension and soreness, relaxing my face, and letting my
focus and attention be on my breath.
This is what I would
like to leave you with tonight… Life can be rough and turbulent. That is life.
Finding a way to ride these turbulent waves until they turn into white water is
what makes for part of the journey. Wake in the morning, be thankful, smile,
and make each day happy. Everyone has a choice. What will yours be?
~It’s all about the journey!
2.26.2014
Ten Months Ago
10
months ago today... I went on the most amazing first date I have ever been on.
I met the man that my heart and soul connected to on a level that is almost
unexplainable. That man took my breath away from the moment I set eyes on him
and still does. He amazes me with his ability to reach others and to do right
by people. He has a great heart, mind, and soul. He has touched me in a way that I
will never be able to forget. We were so close. We talked through everything.
He was there for me. I tried to be there for him. I realize that maybe I was
caught up too much with my own misfortunes to truly be there for him, the way I
know I can. He made me a better version of myself.
3
months ago this week... that man took steps away from me. He comes around every
once and a while. When he does it is amazing and makes me realize why I love
him so much. Even though we are apart, my love grows everyday. I wish that man
would let me in. I am strong. I can be there.
~Peace to You!
1.14.2014
Solo Mission
Being alone is not always easy, or at least that is what I thought...
Most of my life, I looked for people to be around. I was always "OK" being alone, but it was not something that I truly enjoyed. I just spent an entire week with myself. No one to answer to but ME. An enlightening experience, is an understatement.
I have always been someone that likes being around people. Just like most humans, I needed time to myself. However, 7 times out of 10, I would have rather been around another person. Not a hundred percent sure why I felt the need to be with someone most of the time. Maybe it was growing up an only child. Maybe because I felt the need for attention. I think those statistics have changed for me.
During my week of exploration of not only a new place but of myself, I found that not only do I like being with myself, I love it! I explored my new surrounding with my mind clear and free to do as I wished. My observation process was not tainted with view points of another. Although, I usually do not allow others to cloud my opinion. Being able to truly get lost in my thoughts was very eye opening for me. My mind feels clearer now. There is less static because I was able to reconnect with myself.
I took time to be me and to be with me. To accept myself the way that I am. No judgements. No criticisms. No negativity. To allow myself to explore my mind and really listen to myself. To be logical and emotional at the same time. I have become reintroduced to myself. Wow... I had lost sight of who I was and what I was about.
This trip was life changing for me simply because I found myself again. I have been on a journey to feel whole and wholesome. I can now say I feel complete. I feel more able to take on whatever is thrown at me... I have already had a few splitters thrown and I have not struck out yet!
I will leave you with this... When in doubt, listen to your heart/gut. If you cannot hear it, take sometime to step away from everything you know. Even if it is just taking a walk down the street. Space can make things more clear. Take a deep breath, count to 10, and let it all out. The answer is already inside of yourself, you just have to find it!
~Peace to You!
Most of my life, I looked for people to be around. I was always "OK" being alone, but it was not something that I truly enjoyed. I just spent an entire week with myself. No one to answer to but ME. An enlightening experience, is an understatement.
I have always been someone that likes being around people. Just like most humans, I needed time to myself. However, 7 times out of 10, I would have rather been around another person. Not a hundred percent sure why I felt the need to be with someone most of the time. Maybe it was growing up an only child. Maybe because I felt the need for attention. I think those statistics have changed for me.
During my week of exploration of not only a new place but of myself, I found that not only do I like being with myself, I love it! I explored my new surrounding with my mind clear and free to do as I wished. My observation process was not tainted with view points of another. Although, I usually do not allow others to cloud my opinion. Being able to truly get lost in my thoughts was very eye opening for me. My mind feels clearer now. There is less static because I was able to reconnect with myself.
I took time to be me and to be with me. To accept myself the way that I am. No judgements. No criticisms. No negativity. To allow myself to explore my mind and really listen to myself. To be logical and emotional at the same time. I have become reintroduced to myself. Wow... I had lost sight of who I was and what I was about.
This trip was life changing for me simply because I found myself again. I have been on a journey to feel whole and wholesome. I can now say I feel complete. I feel more able to take on whatever is thrown at me... I have already had a few splitters thrown and I have not struck out yet!
I will leave you with this... When in doubt, listen to your heart/gut. If you cannot hear it, take sometime to step away from everything you know. Even if it is just taking a walk down the street. Space can make things more clear. Take a deep breath, count to 10, and let it all out. The answer is already inside of yourself, you just have to find it!
~Peace to You!
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