As I am on my journey to be the best me, there are things I have been working through that are hard. It takes me out of my balance. At times, I don't even recognize myself.
This weekend is a great example. Went through some intense therapy on Tuesday. I was warned that I might have some things come up for me. That was an understatement. It was like a geyser!!!
Went climbing outdoors with a new friend. Poor guy didn't know what he was in for. I was frustrated with myself. Threw a few fits. Overly emotional. Damn right miserable to be around, I'm sure. He was patient with me and supportive. Definitely not a normal thing to run into. I am glad that he was there. Not sure he will want to climb with me anymore, but who knows.
The positives that came out of this eruption... I got a lot of things out that have been trapped inside of too long. It was a major release. I challenged myself physically and mentally. There so some level of emotional growth. I learned from a great teacher. I, although it probably didn't look like it, had a great time!
On the ride home, I was laughing because I was so angry. Not at my friend, not at myself, just angry. It is a feeling I don't usually have. Then alllllllllll of this stuff about my childhood started to come up.
Why did I get a 98 not a 100? How did I miss that rebound when I had 12 rebounds and 15 assists? Why didn't I drop time or get first? All of things that my dad would say to me where flowing through my head. I called my mom to verify that I wasn't making them up. She confirmed my thoughts.
I was angry. I had been beating myself up all weekend during my climbing challenges but really it was my dad. It was crazy to have an emotional response finally to his badgering me. I was never able to have a response because I was trying to be a good kid. For the first time in my life I was able to feel angry for being mistreated. It was pretty amazing!
Still angry when I got home, I get my mail. There is a package from Charlottesville. It was from a friend I met at my yoga weekend last week. 
It was this book. Inside was a stick note memo that said, "If you want your dreams to be, take your time grow slowly. Do few things but do them well, heart felt work grows purely. Day by day, stone by stone, build your secret slowly. Day by day you'll grow too, into heaven's glory."
I instantly release my anger. It was like a switch. I felt balance and myself again. So grateful for this gentle reminder. I took the book to one of my favorite spots to read. (For anyone who knows me, I don't read much because of my reading disability) I couldn't stop reading. I had to put it down because the light was so dim I couldn't see the pages.
"I hope that I shall always have a river to stop beside to remind, more than the sea, that I am on a journey into me"
~rough or glass I continue to ride these waves
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